


sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

by calthighway



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, no happy ending, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 11:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19700470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calthighway/pseuds/calthighway
Summary: Callum’s not stupid, he knows what’s happened the minute he clocks Ben in the cafe. He’s trying his best to be excited about wedding plans, but it’s harder than ever after pride. There’s a massive swamp of feelings sitting deep in his gut and it makes him sick.





	sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

Callum’s not stupid, he knows what’s happened the minute he clocks Ben in the cafe. He’s trying his best to be excited about wedding plans, but it’s harder than ever after pride. There’s a massive swamp of feelings sitting deep in his gut and it makes him sick. 

He smiles at Whitney as well as he can, accepting her hug and hopes it offers some warmth and makes him forget everything else, but then Ben’s there with cuts all over his face and the sight makes Callum’s eyes widen for a second.

What hurts even more is the fact that Ben doesn’t even order anything once he’s seen Callum. Instead, he turns right back around and all Callum can do is drop his face into Whitney’s shoulder and hold on tighter.

*

“What have ya done?” Callum shakes, arms out wide and panic in his eyes. 

Stuart stands tall, doesn’t give Callum a lie, doesn’t pretend he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. “I did it to help ya, to protect ya.”

“I don’t need protecting!” Callum snaps, his bottom lip wobbling and he’s _so_ sick of crying. “I told ya cause I trusted ya,” Callum swallows, brushes his hands through his hair. “You’re no better than dad.”

“That’s not true,” Stuart’s face hardens. “Ben needed to get the message-“

“What, so you decide to beat him black and blue?” Callum huffs, he paces back and forth, can’t seem to control himself. “Why couldn’t you have just left him alone? You’ve- you’ve made everything worse.”

Stuart steps up-to him then, grabs his face in his hands. “You’re my little brother and I’ve always looked out for ya and I always will. I did this for you.”

Callum shoves Stuart’s hands off of him, can’t bear to be touched by the hands that did so much damage. “Stay away from me”, Callum tries to bite down the wobble in his voice, “and stay away from Ben.”

Stuart looks like he’s had the worst news ever and there’s no going back from it. “This is what he wants!” Stuart shouts after Callum, but it’s no good.

Callum continues to walk away and he walks until the daylight turns into darkness.

*

He phones Ben again and again, each call being ended after a few rings and then Callum can’t get through to Ben at all. 

It’s early, he’s not even brushed his hair, but he only had one thing on his mind today and that was making sure Ben was ok.

Kathy answers the door after a few knocks, her surprise turns into a smile. “Morning, everything alright love?”

He nods awkwardly, before swallowing and asking, “is Ben in?”

She nods and moves aside to let him in. “He’s just taking a shower. Can I make you a cuppa or anything?”

“Tea would be lovely, thank you.” She’s always been so nice to him, he wonders how differently she’d be if she knew his brother was the reason Ben was covered in cuts and bruises now.

She puts on the kettle and grabs two mugs. “He’s been really quiet ya know,” she struggles. “Since someone beat him up at pride.” She shakes her head, worry etched across her features. “He’s been through so much and he always comes out stronger.” She wipes the tears from her eyes, “but I’m not sure how much more he can take.” She shakes her head and crumbles some more, “I wish I could help him, take away his pain.”

Callum gets to his feet, wraps his arms around Kathy and rubs at her back. The guilt piles on top of him and squeezes his eyes shut. “‘M sorry,” he mumbles into her shoulder.

“Well this is cosy,” the mocking tone behind them pulls them out of their hug. Ben looks tired and like any fight he’s got in him is disappearing with every second.

Callum rubs at his chin. “I saw ya in the cafe yesterday,” he clears his throat. “Wanted to see you were alright.”

Ben’s nostrils flare for a second, before he opens up his robe to reveal the darkened skin on his ribs, bruises covering his soft flesh there and Callum looks away. “Now you’ve seen, so leave.”

“Ben.” Kathy scolds, saddened by the sight herself, but clearly doesn’t want Ben to push away everyone that he’s got.

“It’s alright, I’ll go.” Callum says quietly, he really doesn’t want to, there’s so much he wants to say.

Kathy rubs his arm for a second, “what about your tea, love?”

“I’ll have it,” Ben replies, moving in between them to grab the mug. “Thanks,” he lifts it up into the direction of his mum before placing a kiss to her cheek.

It frustrates Callum that his first thought goes back to those lips on his own cheek, knows how soft and reassuring they feel. It frustrates him that Ben can’t even look at him now.

It hurts more than anything else right now.

*

It’s getting late and The Vic is emptying and Whitney’s been messaging him all night, but he’s got no intentions of leaving. He’s drank more than he should, the alcohol tastes nothing like it should now and he knows he’ll regret it in the morning. 

“Time you should be head in’ home now, son,” Mick comes round to clear the emptied glasses on his table.

“I can’t,” Callum frowns, doesn’t want to say too much, but needs to speak to someone, he’s got so much weighing him down. Then again, he tried that with his brother and it got him nowhere.

Mick sits on the stool next to him. “Is it your dad?” Mick looks ready for a fight, he controlled himself last time but if he’s back and causing trouble he’s not sure he’ll be so sensible this time around. Callum shakes his head, tears building. “Ya know I’m always here for you,” Mick taps Callum’s reddened cheek before cupping it slightly.

“I’m such a screw up,” Callum wallows. “Why can’t I just be... normal?”

Mick frowns, shakes his head. “What’s the fun in that?” He tries to joke, but tears are flowing down Callum’s face now and Mick turns serious. “You’re a good man, Callum. People care about you, people love ya and I will always be there for ya, Linda too.”

Callum smiles slightly, appreciates them and will forever be thankful for being the parent figures he so desperately needed growing up.

“I’d be bloody proud to call you my son,” Mick says with an honest smile, before kissing the top of Callum’s head. “Ring me if you ever need to talk, alright?”

Callum nods, his tears fading and his insides not feeling so claustrophobic anymore.

*

Callum gets two coffees to go from the cafe before heading over to the car lot, he’d waited until he was sure Ben was alone. 

Ben doesn’t look up from his pen and paper when Calum enters, only deciding to take notice when Callum places his drink down in front of him.

“What’s this? A peace offering?” Ben looks back down to whatever he’s writing. “An apology coming from your brother would have sufficed.”

“I told him to stay away from you,” Callum warms his hands with his drink. “He ain’t gonna be bothering you again.”

“Oh, I know he ain’t.” Ben eyes up Callum. “I phoned the police.”

“W-what?” Callum swallows. “Look, I know what he did was wrong and I hate him for it, but I can’t lose him, too.”

Ben places the tip of his pen into his mouth, bites down gently onto it and smirks at the panic in Callum’s voice and eyes. Then he stupidly feels bad, hates how much of an hold Callum’s got over him.

“I phoned the police and then I hung up before I even spoke to anyone,” Ben huffs. “Once again, I was thinking about you.”

Callum doesn’t thank him aloud, knows that’s not what Ben wants. He steadies his breathing slightly before he mutters, “I _am_ sorry.”

Ben just nods before turning his attention back to his paperwork. “Me too”.

“Can ya just look at me for more than two minutes,” Callum snaps, “please?” He says quieter now, encouraging himself to move closer and grab Ben’s attention.

“What do ya want from me, Callum?” Ben looks up at him now, his pen thrown down onto the table. He shakes his head, “I deserve better than this.”

“I know,” Callum nods in agreement. “I just- I don’t want you to give up on me.”

“I won’t. I believe in ya Callum, I see myself in you and I will help where I can.” He finally catches Callum’s eye. “Ya need to help yourself though, yeah?”

Callum agrees, nods his head firmly and without thinking lifts his hand to touch the cut on Ben’s lip. “You should go,” Ben turns away from Callum’s touch. “I’ll be your friend, Callum, and I’ll stand by ya, but I can’t do anymore than that.”

“You need to put yourself first,” Callum smiles sadly. “I get it.”

It crushes them both to accept this. To admit that maybe this is the end, that this is for best and it’s the right thing to do.


End file.
